CHRISTMAS IS HERE!!!!!! i loveeeeeeeeeee christmas. and presents too. =D put up the christmas tree today. like 10 minutes everything up! can't wait ma!!.


p.s: don't forget my present!

CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS TIME IS NEAR!!!

i hate the dark but now i wanna be in it
i need the light but i can't seem to find even just a bit
i need someone to lean on and no speak
while wiping my tears off my cheek
i write this with fear in my pen
and tears dripping on my hand
i can't stand this anymore
sometimes i'd wish i was never born before
so that i can't feel life or death
and be not afraid of falling down the edge
i don't want to need you again
i just hope you'd disappear like the rain
just so i needn't wipe tears off my face
and people to see my disgrace
that i don't need to cry to bed at night
and my only hope is the dull street light
i wish i don't need to hate you so much
but i can't cause you made me fell too hard

you make me shiver so much
till now i can't feel my heart
god help me find my feet again
so on the ground firmly i can stand
please don't you ever lose me
i've got no more hope to be happy
i hate seeing myself cry in the mirror
i touch myself i don't feel any temperature
stay away. i'm not okay
people just look at you for awhile then they don't care
where is the person that would always be there
i have no more tears to cry
oh lord i need to die
i wish my death can be planned
so i'd know what happened in the end
with the pen still in my hand
i hope this writing would never end

thanks for making me realize
that you were never there by my side
it is when you rebel me
that made me do anything just to be happy
i wish i was a foster
because there's no love i need to surrender
i just wish to suffocate myself
so i don't have to feel anything else
it is to loneliness i dedicate
because they are my only fate
they teach me how to see everything
and show me the means of living
this is not a world of hope
it's about how much you can cope
i just wish to slit my neck so i won't cry
i just wish to shoot my brain and just die
and to no one i shall show my tears
or need nayone to wipe away my tears

stop looking at me
i just need to be
alone in the dark
with no one in my heart
i shall never see the sky or sun or stars
i just hope to run away so far
that when i turn back i could see
this ugly road laid behind me
i never wish to feel again
until tonight this will all end
i shall sleep in peace in the arms of god
this war i ought to have fought
would you take me away?
i don't want to stay
i would destroy anything
just to get rid of this feeling
i wish to fight back so hard
that my heart would fall apart

in this place where can i hide?
or perhaps i should sleep outside
no comfort or warmth of the bed
could make me forget all my hate
i shall sleep with tears and hunger
to remind me of all my anger
you gave me life now it's my turn to live it
you always lied i should have knew it
the scars in my story keep revealing
i tried to stop but it is still repeating
they show no signs of healing
just ever lastingly penetrating
stop killing me softly, show me you hate me
you should not be surprise i know
by your actions i couldn't doubt so
to reach in further within
in my world it just only began

i try to be invisible in your life
to shock you one day to know that i've survive
from everything you've said from everything you've done
surprisingly i came out as one
no shattered pieces or bruise in my heart
just stronger and happier more than you thought
when you recite this you should remember
i wrote this with inspiration of anger
i waited for my friends to call
but thought abit later they should not know i fall
even my closest mate
i don't think can relate
and that i can stand on my own with no one i need
just to god i had to intercede
you can start looking at me
this is the scars of my story

you don't need my in your life
i'm just a burden in your eyes
nothing i do can fulfill your request
even if i tried my very best
you never agreed to what i say
to you i am just a dismay
did you ever thought to tolerate?
or maybe you went and celebrate
who did you see in my lies?
i reflected you in my eyes
yet still i cry when i left behind your back
it was indescribable i was having an heart attack
i wanted to leave but i couldn't
i needed to stay but i can't
i still doubt although i'm sure
to leave and to never fear
i sleep now with my soul i lift
to god above as my gift
you can now glance at me
this is the scars of my story

i sleep with my chest on the bed
once in awhile i feel that my heart is dead
remind again how did i survive?
with all the lies told in my life
i don't want to think about it anymore
when i was left dead on the cold hard floor
i never wish to see you again
so you won't have to see my pain
not all i do is just for me
see of all the possibility
it's because i care too much i hurt myself
i've never think of me but everyone else
especially you i can't leave
if you get hurt myself i can't forgive.

received this email.nice weh..



i think it's nice. it's frozen cherry trees.

ohya. some pics from my tuition teachers wedding.
my 30year old days. haih

fei zai teacher.

i look like 30 meh?...

1. Who are you?
I'm undefineable. (=

2. Who is more important to you?
Those who are important to me la

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
are you talking primary secondary or like kindy?? wtf la. i'm human got ups and downs

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
i don't know. why would you wanna know?

5. How many babies you want?1? 2?
got husband only say la

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
if when raining that time the sun is shining lorr

7. What is your goal for this year?
finish spm then enjoy life gao gao

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
eternity no. love yes.

9. What's a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend like to you?
no such thing as perfect to me

10. What feeling do you love most?
banyak sial

11. What are the requirements you wish from the other half?
what the other half requires i guess. as in the asas ones

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the people you hate ?
ehh...i don't hate.

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
duh


14. What does flying means to you- In a plane?
means i'm flying in a plane la.

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
food. shop shop shop! money?

16. Who's hotter? Chace Crawford or Kevin Peake?
CHACE CRAWFORD!!!

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 5 words.
skinny. talk too fast. love to bully people. very annoying. naruto. and i can go on about it...

18. What have you done to yourself to make yourself happy?
that i made myself happy.

19. If time were to rewind, when will you want it to be?
quote yuee yuee: "face reality lah.. kena tengok depan."

20. What are your fear(s)?
that they are my fears lo

Rules and Regulations:
1. Each player writes a little blog of 10 weird or little known facts about yourself.
2. People who gets tagged needs to state the rule clearly before hand.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to tag and write their names down.
4. No Tags back!!!!


this can? well me. not we're. i'm

1. i'm not left handed but i shuffle left handed and people says that i'm weird
2. i spell weird wierd cause i think weird is suppose to be written as wie instead of wei. wie-rd. wei-rd. get??
3. i'm a really random person.
4. i'm really hot and really nice and really smart and really sexy. this is weird.
5. fuck i'm so lazy to think about my weird facts la. i mean. why would i think about me being weird?
6. i think it's weird people ask questions like 'hey you're form 5 right? how old are you?'
7. i cannot tahan need do this tag
8. can i stop doing?
9. can right? i mean who's stopping me? i'm talking to myself la.
10. ok! this is the wierdest! i wrote number 10!

i tag:

peoples name that has a Y and N inside.

today went out morning with mom. then went to the specs shop. the uncle gave me this contact lens case. it's damn cute weh!!!!!! seeeeee

got elephant, pig, rhino and all in different colours! mine's hippo. haha

got blue red green orange yellow so many!!! and it really is cute la. haha


loves weh! just waiting to finish ass pee am then waiting for prom!!!

fuck la. no money ad. haha

last sun!23rd woi! i forgot!!!!! happy anniversary babe!!!!!!!

still loving you. (=

that day. i forgot which, my sis tied my hair. in this reallll cooooolllll way. but it's not pleats.

it looks kinda like fish bones here.

granddad's bday celebrated last last sat.

cuz candid

his cake
ooh. and i can't stop eating my own banana split. deliccccccioussssspot the bananananna

steven strait hit me in the face!

i'm not the kind of like people who likes idols. like loyal fan of who so who so. but i think steven strait just got me hooked up like hooked up addicted to drugs. cause i seriously can't effin get over or on or in him whatsoever. i think he shall be one that makes me smile. or perhaps justin timberlake is cute too. dwayne? chace? crap weh. you gotta love hot stuff.

walcott's shoulder was dislocated man.. wtf?? he's only 19. kesian him abit la woi.

and i'm so sick of take out food. imma puke. *vomtissa*


gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

alleluia everywhere!!!!!!!!!!

whoever reads this now, go turn on your tv hbo channel. watch the covenant. channel 411 laaa. if you don't watch, you'll regret!!!!!!!!! hot stuff woi! and i'm so nice i'm willing to share. just be careful there's some little scary scenes. steven strait looks soooo damn hot there. and chace crawford is inside. yep. the baby boy.

can't belief he look so horrible in 10000bc. lol. but he's dammmmmmnn hot here laaaaaaaa. i'm so fuckin obsessed with him!!!!! actually the 4 of them are alllll cuteeeeee!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh

if you think he's not cute. just go see for the sake of chace. if you don't know who chace is, well then you're stupid. lol.
crap. can't finish this but i guess it's enough and my obsession is exceeding. just go watch for the sake of hot stuff. ciao!

3 more papers to go! 3 more days!

FUCK MY BLOG SUCKS

suppose to be studying science. i did. but i'm so tired laaa

yesterday celebrated granddad's 87 bday. i think it's 87. then eat eat la

was watching transformers just now with uncle and auntss. chunted la that movie. can't wait for transformers 2. shia lab***** is cute. megan fox is hot.

going study now. again. see you guys tomorrow! just 6 more subs to go!!!!

super retarded!

super .............................. post

i'm NOT studying. yet. science la. on mon.

errrr. spm is so so la. i still can't belief that they ask the question

what is your dream in life?

why is it important?

it's just. wierd.

anyway move it mcflurry sucks. i don't know bout you guys but it's MY tastebuds and it's like leftover milo. ewww.

nothing much to update


elyse's present for me. and the shirt. upstairs.

i know everyone start the wishing wishing thing like yesterday or the day before. what the hell la. i was studying. anyway good luck. for the rest of the papers.

oh. the forgotten my present a million times elyse gave me my present today!!! i tell you. if you hate her, serves you right man! so you don't get presentsssssssss from her. woi. damn chunted what she gave me. i damn like. i doubt i'm gonna use it. it looks soooooo pretty. if you do hate her i thank you. cause she treat me nicer

*imagining elyse's reaction* -------errrrrrr..........................

love you girl! thanks!
i ting. doesn't mean i don't like your present. haha. i love it still. so does my mom and she wants to steal it from me. (=

GOOD FRIGGIN LUCK AGAIN!!!!!!

from

fran-fuckin-tastic

victory!!!!!!!!!!!!


ARSENAL and Manchester United

2-1. glories from nasri!!!

will update more soon.

and i had deja vu that day the game was on. i simply guessed 2-1. and my sis say draw. but yes i was right!. (=

another 'gathering' in zh house

lol. i seem to be updating my blog like nobodies business.
ANYWAY. went to zhe han's house again yesterday.

morning. #$7yhg@#$!())*(njkjal effed up morning.

so. zhe han's driver take us go his house. again. saw his father. again. say hi. he sleeping again. then we went study room and study. then eat eat laugh laugh. then went upstairs continue study. then later they want go out. want ride bicycle. i don't want ride cause damn long didn't ride ad. so.. I DON'T WANT RIDE LA. then i walk lo. not very tiring la. okay la. they complain more than me.
went 7 11 just for zh's credit. then went jusco. saw shoe!!!!. nice lar. went old town drink coffee. then went buy maggi mee. haha

then go back la. then very tired la. but continue study. eat fried rice for lunch. then rest of the day is between the four of us. and edison didn't go again.

see the two.

kj: ugh i'm bringing sexy back
not even in your dreams

go back. take ktm to jing's house.
from her balconyheart talk with jingi found the colour i want!

yesterday. sleeping time suck like max! came back from zh's house very tired. so same like the other day. quick shower munch then sleep. 9.30 i sleep then 11.30 wake up. after that. can't sleep. so. text people see who awake and got credit and free to chat with me. end up smsing and talking on the phone. until 4 i try to go sleep. during that time, i flooded mom's door with 11 crap filling post its. hahahaha. then read bm and painted my nails all blue. sleep at 4 wake up at 7. then reply sms then sleep until 10. wake up, 10.15. continue sleep. wake up. 10.30. deng! i want sleep longer!. sleep. wake up 11. ahhhh give up. just woke up. what the hell is this kind of sleeping time la. lousy one. body damn tired. eyes damn sleepy. can't sleep can't study. *(&^f#@$Dcv

morn, found this in the fridge. delicious! haha
lyz. you want?

and to the someone that i said i won't celebrate it on my blog but i didn't say i won't write anything bout it. CONGRATULATIONS!!
and you. you break her heart, i break your balls. (=

obama says : YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!!!

francisca says : YES I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

group study=sleep

YO!!!

monday night. the creepy zhe han call me on my house! the way he talk like stalker sial. haha
he call me go his house. group study with jing kj.
so morning 6.30 leave house. go school. then kj was already there. and zh's driver also already there. so he pick us go pick edison( vinc seen) and jing.
that edison arr. his mom also dunno he going serdang and his mom thought i'm zh's sis. lol.
reach infront of his house ad he say he don't want go. headache. then go pick jing lo. she still look half asleep.
wah... itu driver arr.. drive soooooooo fast. 160 leh. potong here potong there. i sit middle swing here swing there. calculator fly everywhere.

reach his house. say hi aunty hi uncle. he still sleeping. so we went his room. kj too tired to study so we all chill awhile. makan breakfast. waaa they eat noodles for breakfast. kenyangnya
then we go upstairs again. study. science. and maths. study study, play cards awhile. then the guys went down play bball. me and jing go play piano. deng. i forgot how to ride bicycle. damn fish. then we watch tv lo. then go up study again. then lunch time we call pizza hut. while waiting, jing want watch powerpuff girl. then watch painted skin. pizza come so we eat lo. after watch finish go up, zh tired. so sleep. i sleep with him. jing and kj study. haha.

me teaching science. see i'm a good teacher. lol

kj studying

oh and jing tie sailormoon for me. eh. actually i don't look that bad. hahahahaha.

they keep curi want take picture but i keep waking up. then zh call me up. but i still mau tidur. then jing teach zh maths. i continue sleep. later jing teman me sleep also. then sleep until 4.30 the siao driver came ad. so drop kj at the mines then suppose to drop us back to jing's condo but stop us at ktm station. wtf

take train. balik. damn tired. jing cook maggi mee for me. haha. nice. ling say want cook i also belum ada masa go her house. sorry sorry. i not purposely. then she make peach tea. nice. damn tired. wanted to die liao. reach home at 9. shower. chew abit then straight tido at 9.30. then i sleep until this morning so shiok, ling call. that time was 12 ad. i never sleep until so late before. tried to sleep back but couldn't. so wake up lo.

jing. retard. ahhahaa

looking for bowlhot water!! hot water!!cooking liaoi ask her add egg. she say dunno her house got egg or not also. hahahasilnya

can't wait for ling to cook for me her 'na sou' MM. haha
I WANT PUPPY!!! grrrrrrrrrr

i eat leftovers mother eat outside. yet she claims she 'simply eat'. where got outside food is call simply eat? they serve you a dish okay? i eat is yesterday's chicken when i hate meat and yesterday's fish. i not 7 lar. stop trying to make me feel better. this also want to lie. haiyo. dunno how to live life liao. I DON'T WANT EAT LUNCH WOI!!! i want to eat what elyse ate. the ice kacang thing but not ice kacang. and beef noodles!!! lol

so delicious~~

just a short update.

mom screw me in the morning ask me hang clothes and wake up. =.=
then i'm just gonna do.. stuff??? i'm watching she's too young now on hallmark. hallmark movies rock! haha. then i think imma study? lol
miss everyone loads lar... actually i prefer school. more fun. got friends. at home only watch tv online online. but good thing is can tidur and go toilet whenever i want. can eat whenever i want also haha

if i remember anything to blog about. later.

everyone has get their prom tickets right?? if you haven't go get it now!!!!!!!!!
and nomination for prom king and queen on the prom blog. link is down there.

if this happens to you on prom, make sure you look better!

how sweet if he was my date! lol.. sorry... *date*

ooh. my aunt in england. ya. she rare this animal. it's not llama it's not sheep. i don't know what it is but it's in the picture below. so. if you know it tell me. it's their extended family which is my exextended family.