first thing to say. i've been voted for one of the free-spirit thingy. that 'the brain' in the class, sports, suceed in life or some stuff like that.
i want to thank all the people that's reading my blog, because through my blog you listen to what i don't say out loud. lol. i've been voted free-spirit? the one that's singing out loud and out of tune? yea. but i'm living the other. i act differently when at home and in school. i go all crazy in school but at home i just don't laugh like i do in school except with the tv.
everything's falling apart. mom's like having period everyday, my sis is like having period everyday, and they're making me have period everyday. just cause they don't talk, it just got to have something to do with me. i have to tell my sis what my mom says and not tell my mom what my sis says.
i'm so.. confused. lost. god where are you? is this the punishment i get for not praying?


the oscar award for best actor/ actresses in the world, is teenagers.
you see nothing on their faces, just girls that are crying in school cause they broke up with their boyfriend or some of the student's results sucked. you see no worries and you think that they just live their life that they don't have to pay the rent or any bills.
but, they shed tears nobody see. tears of hatred, anger, fear
it sucks to see everything fall apart right infront of you. why can't they just do things that affect themselves, not me. not us. not anything. why can't we just be immune to everything they do?
why must some be so immature and not think? teenagers don't tell what happens in their family to their friends. it's not that they don't want to. they want to. so badly, to express everything out. but we just choose not to. if we do, we'll just say it in a pissed off way and pretend to get over with.
why did eve ate the fruit?

why must people feel this way? why must people quarrel? why must people fall in love?
why????? why??????????
why must everything tumble down when you need them to be upright? why must the feeling come to you when you don't want to hate? why must i lie just to do little things? why must i lie? why do humans lie? why must we know something that we wish not to know until everything is done and settle, why can't we know it when the time's right? why must we know it when we're at our lowest point??

women don't need men. women need love. women need love from men.
i need love. i have love. i love him so much. i miss him too... and i know he misses me and loves me. gosh i'm in love....





god. where are you? i miss you. i love god.
can't everything just disappear for a split second? where there's just nothing to worry about. just a happy feeling. just a moment of happiness and memorable. no sounds of SCOLDING!!( which i am hearing now) no arguements or sadness or pissed off-ness.
just a moment of beauty. quiet. silence. still. that's all. is that too much to ask for???
where's paradise?